Natural Success

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend who'd just done some brilliant work in a challenging situation.

What soon became obvious though, was that he really didnt realise just how brilliant he was. And when I complimented him on what he'd achieved, he said "Oh it was nothing, I didnt do anything special, I was just being myself!"

And isn't that often the way? We hear about courageous people who've dived into rivers, or entered burning buildings, to rescue someone and yet when recognised for their bravery they reply "Oh it was nothing". And when giving people praise, or asking how they did so well, we'll often hear the same response. Infact, when was the last time you felt something similar or denied your own brilliance?

It reminds me yet again that when we are being our true authentic selves, we do what comes naturally, and that's when we get to discover and reveal our own magnificence.

So how is it that so many of us, for so much of the time, don't feel free to just be ourselves?

We're often so busy doing, fitting in, living up to expectations, striving to achieve or proving our self worth that we become disconnected from who we truly are, and lose sight of our own greatness and natural talents. And it's then that we begin to think that we're not good enough, doubt our abilities and sabotage our efforts.

So to be naturally successful perhaps it makes sense to start by being natural? Letting go of unhelpful inner dialogue and being totally present.

What would it take for you to really be yourself more of the time?
What would you have to let go of?
What would you need to embrace?

Take a moment to reflect.......... and commit to being your true self.

And remember "Whatever you think you are, you're much more than that" ;-)

Positively Happy

Happiness and Well Being are now regularly talked about in scientific, psychological, education and political circles. And many experts agree that not only does feeling good make us function better but that people with a more positive style tend to be more engaged, more productive, more creative and have better health (Diener & Seligman 2004).

So it seems our level of happiness can have a significant affect on our performance, our health and our relationships.

How happy are you?

According to Positive Psychology, we may have more control over our own levels of happiness than we first thought. And that doesn’t mean we need to rush out and get married, change jobs or eat more chocolate to become happier!

Martin Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology has demonstrated that it is possible to be happier regardless of our circumstances. In his book ‘Authentic Happiness’ he introduces a formula for Happiness;

H = S + C + V
where H = overall level of happiness, S = your set range, C = the circumstances of your life and V = factors under your voluntary control.

And research suggests that whilst 50% of our overall happiness might be determined by our psychological make up, only 10% is determined by the circumstances of our life such as salary and marital status, leaving a significant 40% within our own sphere of influence.

This means that each of us can train ourselves to feel happier. Changing the way we think about things is one way.
Here are a few more ideas for starters.

1 Identify 3 things in your life that you feel happy with right now
2 Identify 3 things about yourself that you feel happy with right now
3 Reframe negative thinking into positive thinking
4 Look for something good in everything and everyone
5 Meditate
6 Notice how much you’ve achieved, not just what else is still to be done
7 Find opportunities to help others

In answer to the question ‘how happy are you?’ try out the on-line questionnaires at

www.authentichappiness.com

And remember "We don't laugh because we're happy, we're happy because we laugh." William James

Celebrating the Rat

Happy New Year...again!

Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year, and the start of the Year of the Rat. Apparently the Rat is the first sign of the Chinese zodiac and signifies new beginnings. That makes 2008 a great time to start new ventures and break new ground. The year of the Rat is also an equally good time for thinking and intellectual endeavours. And for anyone who has forgotten the resolutions they made on 31st December all hope is not lost. You now have a second chance to start afresh with the celebration of Chinese New Year on February 7th ;-)

Chinese Zodiac

There are 12 different animals in the Chinese zodiac: rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, ram, monkey, rooster, dog and boar. Each has its own distinctive set of characteristics. For a bit of fun have a look at this site and find out what sign you are ;-)http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/articles/2006/01/10/cny_calendar_feature.shtml

If you're celebrating this week, have fun!

And remember "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.....the second best time is NOW" Chinese Proverb

Denise x

Half Full or Half Empty?

Have you ever noticed how some people have a habit of focusing on all the things that could possibly go wrong, on the things or people they don't like, or on what's missing in their lives? And is it any coincidence that when people do this they feel less happy with their lot?

Ok, there will be times when a healthy dose of realism is useful for each of us. And being human means we do face challenges from time to time. But too much attention placed on the negative can do more harm than good.

For starters, how do you feel when you think about problems or failings? I know that when I fall into the trap of focusing on what's not good the resulting stress and tension doesnt feel very good. Contrast this with how you feel when you think about your successes and dreams instead. Aren't those feelings of excitement, fun and joy much more pleasurable? ;-)

Secondly, there's now growing evidence that 'what we think about comes about'. In other words, whatever we keep focusing on is more likely to appear in our lives. For instance, when we repeatedly think about stress and illness, messages are sent to the cells and chemical reactions in our bodies, our thoughts become fulfilled and we get ill! On the other hand, scientists have discovered that positive thoughts and feelings can trigger neuropeptides in the body which are responsible for a range of beneficial functions such as cellular repair and pain management.

The Power of Imagination
Doctors at Yokahoma City University in Japan showed that 84% of people taking part in an experiment could eliminate the standard histamine response to poison ivy. The itching, swelling and blisters disappeared when the participants under hypnosis simply imagined the poison ivy to be a harmless plant. And what's more, a large number of participants broke out in blisters when they reversed the experiment and imagined the harmless plant to be poison ivy!

Law of Attraction
Best sellling authors Esther and Jerry Hicks (http://www.abraham-hicks.com/) teach that when we continue to focus on what we want, or don't want, we'll attract it into our lives. They also teach that many of us are already creating by default as we are getting what we pay attention to whether we want it or not!

So what kind of thoughts are dominating your thinking? Are you creating what you want, or are you getting what you don't want?

• 
  Look around for a moment. What are you most happy with in your life? And what kind of thinking brought those things, people or situations to you?
• 
  Now notice anything that you're less happy with. What kind of thinking brought those into your life? What changes would you like to make? What changes in your thinking will you make?
  

Be kind to yourself, take a 'half-full' approach to life, focus on the good stuff and enjoy the results ;-)

And remember "You get what you think about whether you want it or not!" Abraham - Hicks

Thanks for reading
Til next time
Have fun!
Denise x

The Peril of Perfection

As I opened a new tub of butter this morning I discovered a quote on the inside which read "Wonky is good, never trust a symmetrical loaf". What a great start to the day ;-)

It got me thinking about all the time, energy and effort people often invest in striving to Be Perfect or achieve perfection. 'According to who?', I ask. And 'For what purpose?' The reality is that people often create their own rules about what 'perfection' means. They experience stress and pressure while attempting to reach 'it'. And give themselves a hard time for 'not being good enough' when they make a mistake or don't quite hit the mark!

Coincidentally, I also heard on the radio last night a psychotherapist talking about the relationship between stress and perfectionism. She described how perfectionists will often experience stress and frequently see 'failure' because they strive and strive for perfection and then realise it wasn't actually possible.

So is there ever such a thing as 'perfection'? And is it necessary anyway?

Take carrots for instance. Which type of carrots would be better for us nutritionally, Naturally Organic or Genetically Modified? I think we'd probably all agree that organic carrots in their natural state, whilst not necessarily perfect in shape, colour or size, would be the better choice even though the GM carrots might look more 'perfect' ;-)

Whilst a healthy desire to deliver high quality, do a great job or keep in shape is certainly a good thing, striving for perfection through fear of not being good enough as a person is probably not very helpful. So in life, why not give yourself a break, accept that you are already enough and celebrate a little 'wonky-ness' ;-)

And remember "Aim for success, not perfection.........fear always lurks behind perfectionism" David Burns

Thanks for reading
Til next time
Have fun!

Denise x

Play to Your Strengths

So often in life we seem to focus on our faults, failings and shortcomings with the belief that by focusing on these we can learn how to change them, acquire new skills to overcome them, and become more well-rounded, successful or an even better person!

The truth is that, whilst increased awareness may well be useful, the more we focus on our weaknesses the longer our strengths and talents go unnoticed and unused. We are much more likely to be successful and happy when we play to our unique strengths and talents and, instead of spending time and energy trying to be like everyone else, focus on developing, refining and applying those skills and talents we are naturally suited to.

Just as you wouldn’t expect a talented artist to develop the same skill set as a brain surgeon, nor the brain surgeon to become the next Picasso, why would you put pressure on yourself to be brilliant at everything at the expense of your own natural talents.

When we begin to appreciate our personal strengths we can begin to appreciate ourselves more and recognise that we we don’t need to become a better person……we are already enough. We are then free to choose which talents and skills to practice, develop and refine, without our sense of self worth being threatened.

Unfortunately too few people are aware of what their true strengths are. If you'd like to understand more about your own personal strengths have a go at the following exercises or take a look at the book Now, Discover your Strengths by Buckingham & Clifton

Exercise 1: Create a Personal Inventory of your personal skills and assets. Your assets are those things that represent your strengths and offer value to your business, your employer, your colleagues or your customers. Either on your own or with a friend list your strengths under each of the following headings; Experience, Knowledge, Skills, Qualities, Achievements, Reputation. Notice any specific strengths that you would like to refine, practice or use more often and seek out opportunities to do this.

Exercise 2: Ask 7 people who know you (friends, family, colleagues, customers etc) to tell you what they see as your Unique Skills and Abilities. And if you're not very keen on this idea initially just imagine how good you'll feel once you've received all their positive feedback! ;-)

And remember "When love and skill come together expect a masterpiece" John Ruskin

Thanks for reading
Til next time
Have fun!

Denise x

Stuff!

First there was Christmas, then came the Sales and now the shops are full of new things we can buy for Valentine's Day, Easter and even Summer! Forget about the UK being a nation of shopkeepers, it seems we've become a nation of shoppers!

Now I don't mean to sound like a kill joy, and I do enjoy my home comforts, but do we really need all this stuff that advertisers and even our friends think we should have? And what are we doing with all the old stuff that we bought last year, last month, last week?!

You only have to glance at the news headlines these days to realise that shopping doesn't increase our levels of happiness. And in his book Affluenza, Oliver James shows how the surge in material affluence can actually produce the opposite of happiness. Infact, of the two items I did buy recently, one fell apart and the other has broken down........so, far from making me happier, they actually caused me more frustration :-o

And where does all this stuff come from anyway? And how come it's so cheap? Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall have been showing us recently the true cost of cheap chicken. What about all the other things we spend so much time accumulating? Would you believe that 800,000 tonnes of clothes were thrown away in the UK in 2006; a people carrier weighs about a tonne. And workers in Bangladesh are paid just 5p an hour to produce clothes for a number of our high street stores!

I recently came across this brilliant little film at http://www.storyofstuff.com/ It's well worth a look if you care about any of this and are willing to challenge a few old habits ;-)

For my part, I've taken a couple of small steps. The first is to start wearing some perfectly good, old clothes that I've had in my wardrobe for a while instead of buying new ones. The second is to buy less food so there's less to dispose of....and of course, less temptation to over eat ;-) And already I've received several complements on my old clothes so maybe new isn't always best!

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box now ;-)

Just one final word.........Whatever we do, and whatever we buy, it's well worth remembering that 'we are not what we have' ;-) And when we let go of identifying with things and instead get a stronger sense of our true identity we get to live happier, healthier and more fulfilling lives ;-)

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks for reading
Til next time
Have fun!

Denise x

Are you busy Doing or Being?

We're now into the third week of 2008 and many people are already talking about how they've not stuck to their resolutions, not achieved as much as they wanted and are feeling the pressure...........pressure that in many cases, they have created themselves ;-)

I read a great quote recently by Albert Einstein that reads "the faster you go the shorter you are" and as I'm not particularly tall myself I took note ;-)

Whilst it's great to have dreams and desires, isn't it also important to create a balance between doing and being? To live Happy, Healthy and Fulfilling lives, and be successful in our own right, it makes sense to strike a balance between Yin and Yang, Intellect and Intuition, Left and Right brain thinking and Activity and Rest.

Anyone who exercises regularly, whether at the gym, doing yoga or through some other form, knows that healthy exercise involves alternate flexing and relaxing of the muscles. Yet in most other aspects of our lives we somehow feel guilty or lazy if we're not busy 'doing' and have almost forgotten how to relax. We get into the habit of keeping constantly busy and run the risk of doing things that are not aligned with who we really are and that lead to stress and tension.

What if we were to use the concept of flexing and relaxing with our mental and emotional 'muscles' too?

By taking some time each day to simply 'be' we can clear our minds, get a greater sense of self, and make decisions and choices that are more aligned with who we are and what matters most. And when we stay true to ourselves we discover a greater sense of personal power, enjoy what we do and....when we enjoy it we do it better so we get to be successful and fulfilled ;-)

So a simple tip for today is..... each day take a little time to let go, relax and just Be ;-)

And if you haven't quite kept to your plans and resolutions remember............ "We can always begin again" Jack Kornfield

Thanks for reading

Til next time

Have fun!

Denise x

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2008 and welcome to my new blog ;-)

This is my first foray into the world of blogging so please bear with me while I get to grips with it all!

So why blog? And why now? Well this is my way of seeing through one of my New Year's intentions, and fulfilling one of my personal commitments......that is, to help more people become Happier, Healthier and more Fulfilled by sharing ideas, thoughts, insights and resources that can be used to make a really positive difference in peoples' lives ;-)

At this time of year many of us are consciously thinking about what we want to achieve, and how we want to live over the coming months. Some of us may be making great progress and some might already have gone adrift. Infact, the newspapers and TV are currently full of reports about how many people give up on their resolutions, and are offering tips for staying on track.

So how are you getting on? And what helpful tips do you have for the rest of us?

This blog is evidence that I've achieved one of my resolutions..........the next part is keeping it going ;-) That's where a little help, and maybe the occasional reminder or prompt, might be useful. Infact, research does show that group support can make all the difference. There's something really nice about being encouraged and spurred on by your friends, and something very motivating about knowing you've made a commitment and that other people are waiting to hear how you're doing ;-) That's what many clients find particularly useful when working with a coach.....it's easy to make excuses to ourselves, it's less easy making excuses to someone else, especially when you've asked them to help you stay on track!

So one simple tip for now....... make a commitment to yourself, write it down together with the reasons why you want it, and share it with someone who will encourage and support you.

Thanks for reading
Til next time
Have fun

Denise x