Dare to be You ;-)

Is it just me or have you noticed how so many people and so many things are starting to look and sound the same these days?

Our local high streets are lined with the same familiar retail names, every other film released is now in 3d and yet more TV contestants are competing to be the best chef, the best model or even the best baker! In business, expert after expert is offering to show how we can get more clients and make more money. And at work employees are expected to dress and behave so that they fit in.

Now that's not to say we shouldn't utilise proven formulas that work, of course we should. And deliberately mismatching your employer’s culture probably wouldn’t be the wisest career move ever. But isn't there a place for creativity and authenticity too?

It seems that too many people and businesses are becoming so alike that they’re in danger of losing their own identity. It’s as though they don’t actually know what makes them unique, or what they really stand for anymore.

So what is it that makes you you?

I'm a great believer in creating space. Space for new ideas. Space to think. And space to be yourself. So if you’d like to, find some space and have a go at the following fun exercise. You might just be surprised by the results ;-)

Step 1 - If you could have more than one life what else would you be? Play with the idea and come up with a few alternatives. Be as inventive as you like, for instance, you could be an explorer, an artist, a musician, a cat, a time traveller, a magician or whatever takes your fancy.

Step 2 - Taking each idea in turn, consider the following questions;

· If you were xxx what would you get to have, do or be?

· If you were xxx what would you be expressing about yourself?

Step 3 - Notice any patterns or themes in your responses. What does this say about who you are? What can you do to have more of this in your life? How can you balance this with the needs of your employer or customers?

By all means be flexible and adaptable in life, just don’t lose yourself in the process ;-)

And remember, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are” Joseph Campbell

Dx

Do you dare? ;-)

How courageous are you? Where have you demonstrated courage in your life? And what is courage anyway?

Courage seems to be one of those words or concepts that means something quite different for each of us. Or rather, what we interpret as being courageous seems to vary enormously.

I'm sure we've all experienced times when we've knowingly faced our fears or taken obvious risks. Perhaps we’ve also taken the courage to change old habits, make difficult decisions, take a stand for what we believe in or even ask for help.

On the other hand, one friend of mine is very modest and never attributes anything he's done to being courageous even though others say he's shown real bravery. And people have said I must have been brave to leave a well paid job, set up my own business, leap out of a plane from 13000 feet and travel alone in Asia. Yet apart from leaping out of the plane :-o, none of the others actually felt they took real courage at the time. They were simply things that I felt compelled to do, without question, and were the result of taking just one step after another.

So courage can be about taking small, steady steps or overcoming our inner demons as well as grand acts of bravery. And either way, on some level we still know that we’ve changed, or grown and that life has expanded.

If courage can so easily go unnoticed though, it might be helpful to pay more attention when we are lacking courage, allowing our fears to dominate and holding back in life. Those times when we stay silent instead of speaking up, stand back instead of taking a stand, choose the easy ‘wrong’ instead of the hard ‘right’, ignore what we feel called to do and play safe or let new opportunities pass us by.

By paying closer attention at times like these we can begin to recognise the signs in our bodies. We might physically shrink, our muscles might contract and we allow the tightness and tension to hold us back. Learning to read these signs means we have a chance to consciously choose something different, act with courage and live more fully instead. So here are are few tips to help you rediscover your courage next time you need to ;-)

7 tips for finding your courage

1 Be Present – bring your attention back to the present, observe the sensations in your body, notice any tension
2 Breathe – breathe deeply and relax
3 Focus - visualise a positive outcome, what would you like to be, do or have?
4 Fear – acknowledge your fears. Are they really justified? What can you do to mitigate the risk?
5 What If? – change the question from ‘what if’ to ‘if x happens then I will do y’
6 Surrender – stop resisting and allow yourself to flow with the natural rhythm of life
7 Calling – what do you feel called to do? what are you passionate about? what would compel you to take action?

And remember, ‘Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage’ Anais Nin
Dx

Waving or drowning?

Are you keeping on top of things? Or do you sometimes feel like you're drowning under a deluge of information, demands, commitments, responsibilities, emails, advice, ideas, tweets, offers, promotions....and so the list goes on!

And now here I am, offering even more.......sorry ;-)

In the last few weeks, I've spoken to so many people who, for a variety of reasons, have been feeling stressed, anxious, exhausted or just completely overwhelmed. And in this state of mind stress levels rise, our minds become cluttered and we find it even more difficult to think clearly, solve problems or cope effectively with the challenges that face us.

So what can you do if you feel affected?

Well rather than overwhelm you with lots more information, here are 9 simple tips to help you regain your balance and feel better too;

1 The devil is in the detail - avoid getting bogged down in too much detail and keep a sense of perspective

2 Choices, choices - indecision is exhausting and time consuming, identify your criteria, decide now and move on

3 Can't say No - create healthy boundaries and practice saying No more often

4 Not enough time - prioritise what's really important, not just urgent

5 Getting ahead of yourself - woah! come back to the present and take one step at a time

6 Fear - stop worrying about the consequences, or not being good enough, and go for it

7 Perfectionism - have realistic expectations and don't judge too harshly, very often 'good enough' will do

8 Breathe - pay attention to your body, notice the signs, take time to stop........ and breathe ;-)

9 Help - you don't always have to fly solo, ask for help or get some support

And remember 'The time to relax is when you don't have time for it' - Sydney J Harris
Dx

Human Race

Is it just me or have you noticed how fast everyone seems to be going these days?

Everywhere I look, people seem to be rushing through life, racing to complete their next challenge, frantically working to achieve their latest goal or, worse still, desperately striving to become a better person. And it's not only physically that people seem to be operating on fast forward. Their minds are racing too, often so loud and so fast that they can't relax or think clearly any more.

Everything's becoming a bit of a blur. It's as though everyone has entered some kind of race or competition and I've not submitted my entry form! ;-)

And yes, occasionally, I begin to feel myself being caught by the tide too. Marketing experts, business advisors and even so called 'spiritual business' mentors are telling me I should be implementing the latest ideas and tactics without delay, warning me that if I don't act now I'll miss their essential offer and advising that the sooner I start the sooner I too can enjoy 5 star hotels, first class travel and designer shoes just like they do!

But wait. Who says I need that? And who decided it all has to happen today?

The danger with that kind of thinking is that we start to feel a sense of lack, inadequacy and anxiety. And more often than not we then start working even harder, striving to be even better, get more and more frantic and.... become completely ineffective.

And where's everyone racing too anyway? Or what are they running from perhaps? Is it fear? Fear of being left behind, of feeling incomplete or not being good enough?

I think it's really important to remember we're not in that kind of race ;-) A dictionary definition actually describes the human race as 'all of the living human inhabitants of the earth'. And, lists it as a 'noun' not a 'verb'! The human race is simply about being on this planet not racing towards some imaginary winning post to earn a shiny new trophy, fancy title or admiration and respect. No matter how fast we run we're still human and getting there first won't alter that ;-)

So if you find yourself worrying, getting frustrated or racing through life with no time to stop and relax here are a few tips that might be helpful. (and if this is just more information than you need please feel free to ignore of course!)

1. Stop - Take time to pause, breathe and come back to the present
2. Time out - Go for a walk, meditate, stretch, be in nature or whatever else works for you
3. Remember - What's important for you? What matters most in your life?
4. Focus - Choose a small number of things to concentrate on and set your own timescales
5. Acknowledge - what you've already accomplished
6. Know - life is not a race or a competition
7. Enough - believe that you are already enough

And remember, 'There is more to life than increasing it's speed' Mahatma Gandhi
Dx

Where are you?

Do you ever feel as though you've been hiding fom the world? Or somehow lost yourself along the way?

Last week I had a meeting with a potential client to see how I could help some of their business managers. One of the people at the meeting was a woman who I'd met several times before and who had always been a very 'colourful' character. My memories of her included her bright quirky clothes, her unusual shoes and how spirited and lively she was!

This week though I was really quite suprised to see that she was wearing a plain white shirt, conservative black suit and the most classic black stillettos ever. She also seemed extremely serious and none of the personality I remembered shone through at all.

I found myself wondering 'where are you?'

And then I remembered how I used to be many years ago while working for a large organisation. Wanting to be taken seriously by my male colleagues there was certainly a time when I took it, and myself, far too seriously. I never quite knew what to wear, how to have my hair or even how to be myself in a culture that seemed to expect something else.

I know this can be a common dilemma for women in business these days. I know some women who even use different names in work and outside work. I also know that many men, aswell as women, don't feel free to fully be themselves. And that many of us somehow lose our sense of self along this journey called life.

So this post today is really a reminder to Be who you really are.

It's only when we allow ourselves to be who we naturally are that we get to enjoy true peace of mind, clarity, and wellbeing. It's only then that we can be really authentic and tap into our inner wisdom and personal power. And it's only then that we can truly connect with others in a meaningful, honest and credible way.

If you want to get back in touch with your personal essence and uniqueness take a few moments to reflect on the following fun questions.

• If you were a party, what kind of party would you be?
• If you were a vehicle, what kind of vehicle would you be?
• If you were a holiday, what kind of holiday would you be?
• If you were a home, what kind of home would you be?
• If you were your ideal clothes, what kind of clothes would you be?

Now take a look at your answers. What stands out? What are the common themes? What does that say about you? How can you be and have more of this in your life?

And remember, 'To be yourself in a world that's constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment' ~ Emerson

Dx

How surprised will you be?

When I woke up this morning I got quite a surprise! As i slid my feet into my snug, warm slippers I felt something strange under my right foot. And when I removed my foot and shook the slipper... out fell a HUGE spider :-o

You can imagine my surprise! I'd like to say that I took it all in my stride and calmly removed it but No, I have to confess that I screamed and leapt right out of the way. Yet the thing is, I'm not actually afraid of spiders. It was more the shock of finding it there, so unexpectedly, that prompted my somewhat irrational reaction.

Last week, on the other hand, I was more pleasantly surprised when a friend I hadn’t seen in ages called me out of the blue and asked me to do some work with her company.

So surprises really do come in all shapes and sizes. The one thing they all have in common though is that they are always unexpected ;-)

Which is why I believe it's good to expect the unexpected, or even better, remain open and allow the unexpected.

These days it seems that so many of us want to understand everything, predict everything, control everything and plan everything and are in danger of closing down our options and limiting ourselves. And this means....

· we leave no space for other possibilities
· we become closed to alternative views and perspectives
· we are no longer open to learning new things
· we lull ourselves into a false sense of security then go to pieces when things don't turn out the way we want
· we lose our sense of peace and calm as we struggle to control the uncontrollable

So I wonder.......what wonderful surprises might today have in store? What can you do to make sure you that you notice them? And how surprised will you be when an opportunity comes along that’s, as good as, if not better than, you had ever imagined? ;-)

Are you willing to be surprised?

If so then you might like to try the following;

· Stay present and be aware of what’s happening around you
· Let go of needing to know, needing to control and needing to be certain
· Be open to receive and to being pleasantly surprised
· Above all..... be willing to have fun!

And remember, “One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do” Henry Ford

Dx

Choices, Choices

UK Election Day is finally here. And after the endless canvassing, leafleting and debating we now get to choose, and to cast our vote. Our local polling station is in the church opposite and throughout the day a steady stream of people have been coming and going.

For some this will be a significant day. For others, I'm sure, it's yet another decision to be made among the never ending list of choices we seem to face these days. Whether that's which breakfast cereal to buy, which energy supplier to use, which bank to trust with our money or even which diet to follow!

And even when we aren't aware that we're making decisions we are still making subconscious choices continually.

So is it any wonder that, when confronted with so much choice, we can begin to feel just a little overwhelmed? Or even confused? And when this happens we're much less able to think clearly, make decisions and take action. Instead, we're more likely to procrastinate, avoid choosing and settle for what we get. Whether we like it or not ;-)

So how do you decide? How do you know which choice is really best for you? And how can you simplify the process and make it easier to choose?

There's not really space to go into too much detail here, and I certainly don't want to add to the barrage of information you've already come across today, so here are one or two simple principles that just might help.

1 Know who you are
Does this choice fit with who you are and how you want to be?

2 Check your values
Does this choice match your key values? Those things that are important to you?

3 Listen to your heart
Imagine you've made this choice now. What do you notice in your body? Does it feel right? Does it make your heart sink or sing?

In our hectic, busy schedules it's important to stop from time to time, breathe, get centred and listen to our hearts. As Mark Victor Hansen said "Our heart is the best GPS there is" and in the words of Tich Nhat Hanh "Be still and know"

So on this day of all days, let's take time to listen and choose wisely ;-)
Denise x

Snow Patrol

What a time we're having! Snow and ice like we've never seen. Roads and rail brought to a standstill, schools closed and sports fixtures cancelled. It's certainly slowing us all down and is playing havoc with our plans to get off to a good start this year.

Or is it? As I sit here relaxing on this cold afternoon I'm quite enjoying the unexpected peace and space, the beautiful, stunning views, my homemade soups and how it's bringing friends, family and neighbours closer together ;-) Infact, I can't help wondering..... What's the positive intent behind all this snow? What if it really is here to slow us all down? ;-)

In the run up to January 1st it seemed like everyone was getting set for the new year ahead. Poised on their starting blocks, raring to go on the B of the Bang, not a minute to waste. Eager to leave the past behind, and begin afresh chasing new goals instead.

And whilst it's wonderful to feel this renewed surge of energy, perhaps we just need to pause a while too, and make sure we don't simply repeat those behaviours that created the problems of 2009.

So what if the snow does have a message for us?

What good has come out of this for you?
What have you enjoyed? What can you learn?

And how can you take this with you into 2010 and beyond? ;-)

Let's not just race through the next 12 months. Let's be conscious and mindful of the actions we take and decisions we make.

And as the Barefoot Doctor tweeted recently "I Ching says stop pushing now, sit back and receive life: let it happen & wonders will occur "

Have a wonderful time

Dx

Are you looking after yourself ;-)

Wow! I've just come back from having a thai massage. Brutal but extremely effective ;-) If you haven't tried it I can definitely recommend it.

Heat and energy are now flowing through my whole body. And I feel fully stretched, expansive and more supple having had a therapist use her hands, feet, legs, arms and elbows on my body for over an hour! It was a real treat after all that sitting around over Christmas and being hunched against the cold on these icy winter days.

It's also part of my No.1 commitment for this year and beyond; to stay fit and healthy! I don't have a list of rigorous targets that I 'must' achieve, or boxes I 'need' to tick. I'm just committed to 'being' fit and healthy and taking good care of myself. For me, it's more than a goal, it's a way of being. And when my conscious and subconscious minds are both aligned with this then I'm far more likely to seek out and prioritise those things that support me ;-)

How many people do you know who strive to do, have or accomplish things each year yet their health suffers along the way? What good are all those new achievements if you don't have the energy to enjoy the results? And how much help can you be to other people when you're in poor condition yourself? As we're told by cabin crews every time we take a flight "fit your own oxyen mask first before helping others" .

That's why it's my top priority. Is it yours?

At this time of year, with so much pressure to set and accomplish new goals for the year ahead, and so many winter bugs around, doesn't it make sense to take a little time to look after yourself? What are some of the many simple things you can do to take better care and improve your sense of wellbeing? It needn't become another arduous task, you can make it easy and enjoyable too. Perhaps just one or two regular practices that you can integrate into your daily life?

Here are a few things I've chosen, and so far so good ;-)

• Drink warm water each day
• Take supplements each day
• Eat smaller portions
• Stretch
• Meditate or relax
• Have at least one thai massage per month

Wishing you a happy and healthy year ahead
Take it easy on the ice!
Dx

Give yourself a break ;-)

Happy New Year!

"Have you made your resolutions? "

"Have you taken action yet? "

"How soon will you see the results? " :-o

If like me you've been bombarded recently with messages via radio, newspaper and email all asking these same questions, you could be forgiven for feeling ever so slightly pressurised, or even quite stressed by the fact that not only are you supposed to have set clear goals for the next 12 months but should already be taking active steps towards achieving them!

Well I'm here to suggest that it's ok.... you can relax ;-)

Yes, it's true that the transition from one year to the next is often an opportune time to review our lives and create new goals and plans for the future. But who says you have to do it now? Who decided to measure over a 12 month period running from January to December? This is, afterall, just another day, a week, a month. And this month it's positively freezing outside, the roads are icy and treacherous and much of nature is hibernating and safely hidden away from all this chaos ;-)

I was really pleased this morning to hear, on Radio 2, Jeremy Vine being introduced to mindfulness practice and meditation. It was the most peaceful moment on radio for a very long time. It was also a perfect reminder that we can all benefit from slowing down a little and creating some space for ourselves. Free from the 'shoulds' and 'musts', free from the pressures to strive and achieve, and free to simply be ;-)

That doesn't mean giving up on your goals and aspirations. It just means be authentic, do what works for you, when it's right for you and play by your own rules ;-) Be honest, are you more likely to create brilliant ideas and plans when your mind is busy and cluttered or when you're feeling centred, clear and calm?

Life isn't a race. You don't need to be, do or have more to be happy. And who you are has nothing to do with what you do, what you have or what you achieve.

So, contrary to conventional advice, I'm inviting you to delete those annoying messages, turn off the irritating chatter and create some space......just for you. After all, you're already enough. You deserve it ;-)

Have a wonderful day, week, month, year, decade!

Enjoy the moments

And remember, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are" Joseph Campbell

Dx