Inside Story

I've been hearing recently about storytelling and in particular how telling stories can be a really helpful way of marketing. And certainly there have been a number of successful advertising campaigns recently telling either the Marks and Spencer story, the Sainsbury's story or the Virgin Atlantic story, all of which were tales of a long and successful heritage.

Yet when it comes to our personal lives, how many of us have been living with old stories that have not been serving us? What have you been telling yourself that is holding you back, stopping you from using your natural skills and talents and preventing you from being ALL that you truly are? Is it the story of "I'm not good enough", "I don't deserve it", "I'll look stupid", "I can't do that" or "I'm not attractive or intelligent enough?"

There really seems to be no limit to our creativity when it comes to devising unhelpful stories to live by. And when you're telling yourself those types of story, what is it that you're not saying? Could it be "I'm already enough", "I have lots of skills and talents", "I have many wonderful qualities", "I'm gorgeous" or "I can be happy now"?

So how do you go about recognising the unhelpful stories? How would you be different without them? And what can you do to change them?

Tips for recognising your stories

With so many thoughts running through our minds every day it's not always easy to keep track of them, let alone change them. What you can do, however, is pay more attention to your feelings. These are a pretty good indicator of whether you're telling yourself helpful or unhelpful stories. If you're feeling bad the likelihood is you're telling yourself something unhelpful and if you're feeling good then the opposite is probably true. Next time you find yourself experiencing undesirable emotions consider the following;

1 Feeling anxious or worried. Stop. What were you telling yourself about the future?

2 Feeling sad or guilty. Stop. What were you telling yourself about the past?

3 Feeling angry or frustrated. Stop. What were you telling yourself about other people?

4 Feeling down or depressed. Stop. What were you telling yourself about you or how you compare?

Change the Story

Changing the story can take practice, and as with many things, the more we practice, the easier it becomes. One technique that can help is to simply create a different story. How do I do that you might ask? Well given that you already have the ability to create stories, how about creating an alternative narrative by starting with the question "What else could be true?" or "How would someone else think about this?" Remember, your thoughts are only ever interpretations of reality. There are other ways of thinking and you can choose to think differently. Be willing to experiment, create a new story that not only fits for you but serves you better and changes how you feel.

It will change how you are being in the world.

And remember, "The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question" Stephen Jay Gould

Dx

Are you striking the right balance?

An important element of a happy and healthy life is keeping a healthy balance.

Easier said than done, you might think. And what constitutes a good balance anyway? Well it's likely to be different for each of us depending upon our individual needs, values and circumstances.

What's important though, is finding the right balance for you. When we don’t have balance in our lives it can lead to conflict, stress, underperformance and even illness. When we do strike the right balance however, we get to experience greater harmony and wellbeing, we feel more energised, we're able to participate more fully and really enjoy the activities we choose to engage in.

The keys to keeping your life in balance are firstly, knowing when you've lost it and secondly, taking steps to regain it. Try this simple exercise to evaluate your own level of balance.

For each pair of statements allocate a score of 10 between the two. For example, if you are feeling particularly fit and healthy you might allocate 9 points to Fit and Healthy, 1 point to Unfit. Of course, there may well be other factors affecting balance in your life so feel free to add those too.

____ Fit and Healthy
____ Unfit

____ Relaxed
____ Stressed

____ Regular Exercise
____ No exercise

____ Healthy diet
____ Junk food

____ Active social life
____ No time for socialising

____ Support network
____ No support network

____ Balanced home life
____ Unbalanced home life

____ Personal needs met
____ Personal needs not met

____ Managing time well
____ Not managing time well

____ Plans for future
____ No plans for future

____ Resources meet demands
____ Demands exceed resources

____ Satisfied with work
____ Dissatisifed with work

____ Other
____ Other

So how did you do? If you seem to have a good balance then Congratulations. If not, then you might want to consider the following questions.

What strikes you most?
What patterns do you notice?
What actions do you need to take?
What are you willing to change?

And remember; "Next to love, balance is the most important thing" JohnWooden
Dx

Busy doing what? ;-)

How often do you find yourself wishing you had more time? Or maybe you have difficulty concentrating because there's just so much to do? Or perhaps you even feel that life has become one big rush?

Well it could be that you're addicted to Urgency ;-)

In these modern times, where the pace of life seems to have got faster and faster, many people have simply forgotten how to slow down and are prioritising the Urgent over more Important aspects of their lives.

Have a go at this simple quiz to find out whether you're addicted. Count the number of statements that apply to you. If many of the statements apply then just pause for a moment. Identify one or two simple changes that you will make right now to help you slow down, create more time and focus on what matters most.

Good Luck!

1 Generally have more tasks than you can do in the time available
2 Have trouble concentrating because you have too much to do
3 Eat, walk, talk rapidly
4 Muscles often ache or feel tense
5 Finish others’ sentences for them
6 Attempt to do more than one thing at a time
7 Feel guilty about wasting time
8 Complain of feeling tired much of the time
9 Frequently look at your watch, tap your feet or use other nervous gestures
10 Wish you had more time
11 Always in a hurry but often arrive late
12 Arriving early for events make you feel uncomfortable
13 Never seem to have any 'me' time
14 Pride yourself on getting things done quickly
15 Sometimes sacrifice quality for getting things done faster
16 Start projects that you never seem to finish
17 Sometimes feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to concentrate on any one task
18 Feel hyper or anxious
19 Have no time to stop and listen
20 Always thinking about what next rather than this moment

How did you get on?
It might just be worth rembering this quote...."What Is this life if full of care; we have no time to stand and stare" W H Davies

Dx

LIP - Live in Peace ;-)

It was very sad to hear about both Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett passing away today.

And it's probably no surprise that, along with both those names, another top Twitter topic at the moment is RIP. But why do we so often say, after someone has died, that at last they can now rest in peace?

Why wait until you die to find peace? Why not learn to live in peace today?

Many of us spend so many years in search of money, status, the perfect job, the ideal relationship, only to end up with a feeling that we have lost that sense of peace in our lives. And by the time we realise that peace is more precious, we have already developed habits of acting and thinking that keep it at bay.

So perhaps it's worth remembering that peace of mind is itself a worthwhile goal and that taking time to practice it can bring invaluable benefits.

Follow these simple steps to practice creating more peace in your daily life.

Step 1
Remember a time when you felt really calm, relaxed and peaceful. Notice where you were, who was there, what you could see and what you could hear.

Step 2
As you remember that time, imagine being there now......seeing and hearing whatever is present.

Step 3
Now become aware of the feelings and sensations within you. Perhaps you're feeling still...or calm...relaxed and peaceful....heavy or light.....maybe some other feeling...... or even no sensation at all?

Step 4
Notice any thoughts that arise, they may be of the past...the future....other people.... or yourself ...... and just allow those thoughts to pass.

Step 5
Now bring your attention back to your breathing........ don't try to change it, just observe it, be curious and notice what you notice.

Step 6
Allow yourself to just be.....free...to be.....here and now. Enjoy this comfortable, peaceful moment. And simply be in peace.

And remember "Learn to pause... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you." Doug King
Enjoy your day
L.I.P. ;-)
Dx

Seize the Day ;-)

How easy do you find it to jump out of bed in the morning feeling wide awake, energised and ready for the day ahead?

It might seem easier on a beautiful sunny morning like today, but even then, not all of us are larks. Some of us are are more owl-like, preferring to get up late in the morning and stay up late at night. And one or two of us just dont like either extreme and are simply living shorter days.

For those non-larks who are reading, how would you like to have more hours in your day? Imagine what you could do with all that extra time and extra energy each morning.

If you'd like to spring out of bed more easily, and really make the most of your days, have a go at this simple yet effective NLP exercise.

Step 1
In your mind, visualise what currently happens when you first awake in the morning. Imagine being there now, seeing what you see, hearing what you hear and feeling what you feel. Now put a frame around this image.

Step 2
Visualise your desired scenario. See yourself in the image thinking, feeling and behaving as you'd really like to be. Maybe stretching, throwing back the duvet, full of energy or whatever fits for you. Now make the image even bigger, brighter, richer and increase the positive feelings.

Step 3
Shrink this second image down to the size of a small dot and, in your mind, place it in the lower left-hand corner of the first image.

Step 4
Count to 3 and then rapidly expand the small dot so that the desired image completely covers the first image.

Step 5
Shrink the desired image back down to a small dot and repeat Steps 3 and 4 five times until you are left with just the desired image in your mind.

Simple as that! You have now reprogrammed your mind to create a different experience. How surprised will you be when, tomorrow morning, you find yourself leaping out of bed, full of energy and ready to seize the day?

And remember “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning, gets to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do" Bob Dylan

See you with the larks ;-)
Enjoy your day
Dx

Time for a Clean Sweep?

The sun is shining, the birds are singing and it seems the perfect time for a spring clean, or even a clean sweep.

Not only has the banking sector been compelled to review its practices, but politicians too are now having to take a long hard look at how they have been operating.

We're also beginning to see a change in global habits too. The way we live, the way we do business, the things we buy, the amounts we borrow and even the things that we value are being questioned and reassessed. And as President Obama said this week, whilst announcing the new reforms for US car emissions, "the status quo is no longer acceptable".

It really feels as though this is a time for letting go of old, conditioned ways of thinking that are no longer serving us, and for creating and embracing new alternatives that will prepare us and take us into a new era.

So what if we examine our own lives?

What would you like to clear out or clean up? As well as sweeping out those sheds and cupboards, what old habits, unhelpful beliefs, or ways of living are no longer serving you or those around you? What can you let go of to make space for something new? And what will be more appropriate for who you are now and for the times we're living in?

How do you want to be in the world?

In the words of Andy Warhol "They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself".

And as Anne Frank says, "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world".

The time is now ;-)
Have a great week
Dx

Restoring the Balance?

I came across a new definition this morning for Recession. Not the definition most of us are probably familiar with, and I'm not sure how well it translates to other langauges but anyway, here it is;

"The act of restoring possession to a former owner"

So however uncomfortable it might feel at times, does this mean that we are in the process of restoring natural balance in the world? Just a thought ;-)

And as Gandhi said, "There is enough in the world for everyone's need, but not for anyone's greed"
Dx

What's Yours? ;-)

Now I know I've used this picture before on a previous post and, sorry, No I'm not offering you a drink just at the moment ;-) But whilst we're on the subject, what is it that you see in this picture? Are these glasses half full or are they half empty?

And in terms of the economy, your work, your life? What's your focus?

There's no denying that we're going through interesting times at the moment, and there may well be some real challenges to overcome, but how we choose to think about things has a direct impact on how we go about handling them.

As William Shakespeare said "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so". I've been really interested recently by the range of conversations I've had with people. There have been those who have appeared worried and anxious despite having a good job and being relatively secure financially. And there have been those who have been refreshingly positive and optimistic yet facing change, upheaval and uncertainty.

So what's the difference that makes the difference? Well one thing that certainly makes a difference is how we think and what we focus on. Our thoughts not only affect how we feel, they also get reflected in our language, our behaviour and our actions too.

For instance, just for a moment, think of a time when things didn't go particularly well, or think about something you don't like.

• How do you feel? Is it helping you feel good or bad? Is it helping build your confidence or undermine it?

Now think of a time when something went really well, or think about something you really like.

• How do you feel now? Is it helping you feel good or bad? Is it undermining your confidence or helping build it?

So how would you prefer to feel? Which is going to help you most? What would you prefer to focus on?

Let's take current events. Isn't it fascinating how news bulletins these days so often seem to start by reporting job losses (these weren't being reported at other times) and any good news seems to get relegated to a final throw-away line, if it even features at all. Some would say we've talked ourselves into the current economic situation. Well if that's the case, isn't it time to stop? Isn't it time to be thinking about what we can do, how we can add value, the opportunities we can create and the changes we can make to help ourselves and our businesses make it through.

I'm not pretending that things will necessarily be easy, but thinking in more positive and realistic ways can certainly improve how we feel and help us take action.....action to help limit the negative consequences and increase opportunities for success. As Thaddeus Golas quotes "What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens".

So, as far as the news is concerned, I've turned the dial and changed frequency to something more positive and uplifting. And as far as our thoughts are concerned, we can shift our attention and do the same.

Which frequency are you on? ;-)
Dx

Invest in You

No such thing as a free lunch? Looks like there's no such thing as a secure investment!http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/working_lunch/7900264.stm

So why not invest in You instead? It could certainly be more enjoyable and may have untold benefits in the short and the longer term ;-)

With so much uncertainty around, one thing is certain, we are undergoing a period of major transition.....and those most likely to prosper will be those people who are willing to change, stay positive and create value. Trying to hang on to old models, old habits, and old ways of doing things just doesn't make sense.

So how can you invest in you? What would make a good investment? What would give you the greatest returns and the biggest rewards? I'm sure there are dozens of ways but here are just a few for starters ;-)

1 Invest in your PR - How about investing a bit of time, or commissioning a bit of help, to update your CV. If you're looking for a another job then this is a must, and if you're not, it still helps to take stock, and be prepared. Or how about investing time in intelligent networking? Connect with people you can help and who might be able to help you. Raise your profile.

2 Invest in your Skills - What skills can you build on? What new skills can you acquire? Anticipate what your current or future employer might need. Anticipate trends in the workplace. There might be concerns about job security these days but you can create more security of employment by keeping yourself up to date and marketable. Think about what you would like to be doing now and in the future. People who are most fulfilled in their work tend to be those who have developed skills they find interesting, and are doing what they enjoy.

3 Invest in your Personal Development - Take time to clarify what you want and how you want to be, create strategies for getting there and clear blocks that are getting in your way. Boost your confidence, create peace of mind, relieve stress or improve your relationships. Read a book, attend a course, find a coach or speak to someone who can help.

4 Invest in your Well Being - It's easy to comfort ourselves with alcohol, junk food and chocolate! Especially during the winter months. But how does it really make you feel? Be honest ;-) Instead, why not develop practices that help you feel really good...physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Maybe tai chi, aikido, yoga, meditation, walking in nature, being with friends and family? Take up a hobby. Go for a massage. Whatever works for you.

5 Invest in your Health & Fitness - Equip yourself to handle challenges and change. Choose a healthy diet, tone up, get fit. Physical exercise not only helps us feel better physically, it also helps mentally and emotionally too.

However you decide to invest in You, recognise the value, remember you're worth it and above all.....have fun! ;-)
Dx

The Joys of Uncertainty

There's so much talk these days of uncertainty, and of these uncertain times we're living in, it seems as if this is something to fear. Yet if we just pause for a moment.....how many of us, honestly, would want to be absolutely certain about the future, know exactly what's going to happen for the rest of our lives and have it all mapped out with no surprises to look forward to? I know for a fact I'd find it somewhat dull and predictable. It would be like Groundhog Day all over again ;-)

And I'd be willing to bet that most of us never expected to be exactly where we are in life right now, doing what we're doing, knowing who we know, having learned the lessons we've learned and enjoying the gifts we've received. When I was working in financial services all those years ago I never imagined I'd be running my own business, writing on a blog (what was a blog?) or sky diving out of a plane!

So while certainty can seem desirable at times, it can also be very limiting. And holding onto our fixed views and ideas about the world can be equally limiting. We only have to look at the financial markets to see the damage caused by so-called experts being so certain they were right! In their certainty they completely failed to anticipate the eventual consequences of their actions. They failed to accept that we don't know what we don't know. And as Nassim Nicholas Taleb writes in his book The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable "the world we live in is vastly different from the world we think we live in". In other words, just because we don't know about something doesn't mean it's not possible.

Being certain is a bit like looking down a funnel where the number of likely outcomes becomes fewer and fewer and we fail to see anything outside that narrow focus. This can trip us up in many ways. It can lead to arrogance, ignorance, playing safe, holding back or missing opportunities. (and I'm sure there are many other possible consequences too ;-))

Uncertainty, on the other hand, is like throwing open the windows on a world of possibilities ;-) And even if some of the surprises we encounter don't seem much fun at the time, we must surely concede that more possibiliites exist than we are aware of.

When we allow ourselves to enjoy uncertainty, life becomes more exciting, all kinds of things become possible and we can take effective action to capitalise on these. So perhaps these 'uncertain' times present a real opportunity for us to let go of our need for certainty, be open to 'not knowing', become curious and creative and get ready to discover new possibilities.

Who knows, we might be pleasantly surprised ;-)

And remember; "Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity" R I Fitzhenry

"Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security" Jon Allen Paulos, Professor of Mathematics

Dx